Catlike typing detected

Curses be to the human that created this software!

In any case, allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Cyrus, and I am the feline companion of the writer of this curious little rambling, nattering artifact of your wondrous and lustrous Internet.

Series of tubes. Intertubes. I so enjoy calling it that, if only for the same inane delight I get in mispronouncing the word “nuclear” a la George W. Bush. Annoying man that he was, I found his wordplay hypnotic.

But, this is not a missive about such topics. It is, in fact, an apology on behalf of our mutual friend, the American Twentysomething of note.

As it turns out, his writing has stagnated a bit, at least when it comes to outside the paper. Some days he comes home and simply turns on a laser pointer for me to chase for several minutes at a time (and I will have that red dot, if it is in fact the last thing I do before life leaves me and the last breath slips past my spinily-textured tongue!) and refuses to do anything at all intellectual.

The problem with that man is the fact that he endeavors so to capture the feeling of something that at the end of the day, he has so little feeling left in himself, let alone that can be shared with others. And so this journal has faded into a little bit of neglect.

There is no shame in it, I would tell him, if I could talk, but he finds that so much of the joy of writing has been replaced by wondering what horrible thing he will have to write about next. A murder? An arson? A kidnapping? An assault? And those are just the things he has to worry about at the paws of myself! He loves the job, but realizes that there are things that must be demanded of him, and so he does what he must and makes the sacrifice of his leisure writing. It is a foolish choice, if you were to ask me about it, but no one does so I busy myself with destroying his possessions and tripping intensely off the gonzo bag of catnip that he bought me to cheer himself up last week.

So please, dear reader, take a bit of pity on him, don’t rush to remove him from your “blogrolls” (that word makes me hungry, I must go and have some of my delicious kibble after I finish this) and try to stick it out with him. Though I have endeavored to end his days on more than one occasion, it occurs to me that this conflict of good and evil, protagonist and antagonist (I’ll let you decided who is which, though that may be difficult as we both can be quite furry) shall, and must, go on.

Thus, I leave you all in his capable hands, once they find the magic of personal wordcraft back in them once more. Until then, perhaps we shall have more time together and to hear more about my escapades and attempts on his life.

Humbly yours,

Cyrus The Cat Esq. J.D.

P.S. – Yes, that is a Juris Doctor, as I graduated in the distance learning law school class of 2008 from the University of Lagos, Nigeria, from where a member of that delightful country’s royalty helped me establish quite a luxuriant nest egg and made a little something-something for himself, except for his damnable misspellings in his online correspondences. I hope he doesn’t get my name wrong when he sends me my diploma next month. Curses be to all printing, shipping and billing delays.

P.P.S. – In case one of you lovely readers happens to be a successful Hollywood producer/director, I would greatly like to state that should my benefactor and keeper ever make something famous out of himself so as to warrant a movie depiction of his life story, I would like my internal monologues to be voice-acted by Patrick Stewart, even if it requires that he be frozen to keep him alive long enough for this dream to be realized. If he is unavailable, William Shatner or Sean Connery will do in his stead. Glorious.